FML TTM.

Initially i thought i wont wanna vent my anger or frustration in my blog ever again but remain cheerful when i am and ACT cheerful when im not. Now, i can no longer stand what im going through.

Firstly, i failed badly for my physics test. PAUSE. Dont say this is only a common test and there will be a retest and i can do better for prelims bla bla shit. The reason for me being upset and crying is NOT because it would reflect badly on my report book. In fact, report book doesnt matter to me since it doesnt affect my O's results. The reason is cos of the remarks Ms Joy Ho had given. I could have passed, but for one question i lost 4 marks because i'd written wrongly the order of the electromagnetic spectrum. WHY? I memorised and knew the order, but i didnt notice the letters A, B, C and D were in the opposite order. AND GUESS WHAT WAS MS JOY HO'S REMARKS? 'Poorly done. EM waves never properly memorize thus leading to loss of easy marks.' Fantastic, so she thinks i didnt study and memorise for physics. HA, fancy me staying up till 2am to memorize all the facts in the three topics of physics because i knew i cant do as well for applications questions, and the one which i thought i got correct was in the incorrect order. Im already feeling lousy about the fact that i suck at applications questions, there i lost marks in giveaway questions and MS JOY HO RUBBING SALT INTO MY WOUND. Now, who understands how i feel? To think before the test paper was given out, she still said it is important that we have a person to share our problems with, especially 4E1 subject teachers or classmates since they can understand better when they're taking the same large number of subjects and are going through the same amount of stress. Sad to say, there aint a single teacher whom i can relate to regarding studies now. On the surface, Ms Ho may seem like she cares alot about us and talks about how much she understands that we're hardworking but not producing the results. But inside, i seriously wonder if she's thinking our not-that-good results are due to our laziness and refusal to study. _|_ TALK TO YOU, MS HO? YEA RIGHT, A HYPOCRITE IN DISGUST. Ms Koh thinks i dont care about bio cos i am constantly not doing well for her bio tests. Ms Safura only concerns for her favourite students, in other words biased. Mr Alwi is emotionless. Mdm Rao's busy with her job as VP, making her become less friendly to us and less concerned about us. Friends? Those not in 4E1 dont experience what we're facing. Those in 4E1 who are good at studies only care about themselves and dont understand how badly we're struggling. The others in 4E1 may listen but all they'll say is 'cheerup', 'just study harder', 'you next time sure can do better one'. There is nobody in 4E1 whom i can really cry with when sharing our problems and pour my feelings on. NOBODY. Everything i'll be bottling up in myself, myself and myself and all i can do is burst out crying when the bottle is full and continue filling it up with more.

Secondly, yesterday's training makes me wonder why i should be so involved in my cca. I dont get recognized, i dont receive the credits and recognition even when im doing more than some others who have gotten the credit. I wished Maam KHOO wasnt away in the first place, so that she could see how much im trying, how much more involved i am now. I wished Maam KOH hadnt taken over. Thanks Maam KOH for constantly thinking i cant make it, thanks Maam KOH for disheartening and demotivating me from being more active in ncc.

Studies down, cca down. So, fml?